Surrender?

I am miserable and want to surrender. This weekend has been an extremely bad one leading me to believe that I’m never going to be stable. Of course I know that it really is possible, but I am so frustrated right now I can’t think straight. After the concert I started getting really depressed, and it’s lasted all weekend. I’m thinking it’s one of two things: I forgot my meds for the first time Friday night and I have been drinking a lot of caffeine. I’m not sure about that of course, but I’m always needing to find a “logical” reason for things. We talk about triggers and such in therapy, but when I’m depressed I usually don’t have anything in particular that is triggering it. It’s the same with mania. You just start to feel like your body is giving up on you. I’ve been doing some research on vitamins and diets recommended for Bipolar Disorder. The only thing I’ve come across is that Omega 3 Fish Oils are supposed to be helpful. I’ve also been extremely restless. It’s “always” been there while I’ve been on Psych meds, but there are times it’s gotten so bad I ended up hospitalized. I finally found a term tonight called Akathisia that is restlessness caused by use of antipsychotics and Lithium. I’ve been trying to stay busy, but I just can’t sit still and it’s making me crazy. I just want my old self back 😦